Grimball by Darianne


5 things I’d like to achieve in 2018

It’s finally 2018! This means there’s so much to do and only 365 days to do it. Though it sounds like s lot, we all know it isn’t. Years fly by and we look back and wonder what exactly it is we did with our time. When I was a teenager I swore I’d live without regrets. It’s been working. I consider things to be life lessons, mishaps, and as people of Tumblr would say, “Never regret anything because at one point it was what you wanted.” Lesson learned. Moving on now. 

The year has already started off on a high note. I celebrated New Years with my family and stood up until three in the morning talking to my grandmother. Then I spent the 1st of January having a Harry Potter marathon and began reading “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” by J.K. Rowling. I’d say day one of 2018 was productive. Wouldn’t you?

I realized today is the day for picking what mumbo jumbo we'd like to change. Just like last year, I came up with a bunch of New Year’s resolutions. Here are my top five:

1.      Become a better writer.
I think I do well in the writing department. But, and this is a big BUT, I want to capture you as a reader. Sometimes I find myself using imagery. Other times I find myself just writing. Sometimes just writing means the content is bland. No one wants to read anything bland. I want you to want to read and not feel like a post  has been dragged out. Plus, as an English major, practice makes perfect.
2.      I’d like to visit more local places.
I’ve spent most of my time between work and school. On my days off, I’m probably glued to a textbook or writing a paper. This year I’d like to visit more museums. I’d like to find new cafes. There’s also the local book stores. Maybe I’ll sneak away from the city a couple of times. Who knows really? The point is to go more places, do more things, and have a load of fun while I’m doing it. It's 2018! What have we got to lose?
3.      I want to push myself to the limit. Then push harder because I know I can.
There’s nothing I can’t do. I know that. I shall not quit when a task gets hard. We’ve all had those moment where we felt like walking away because something became too much. The thing is if we hold on just a bit longer, there’s an endless number of things that can be achieved. I want to achieve those endless number of things.
4.      Saving money.
I’m a shopaholic. I have problem. I can admit that. Though I do have money saved, I know I could do better. *Queues essay worthy explanation of a budget* Anyways, I may hit a few bumps along the way, but I will try and try again. Besides, as a personal style blogger, I spend most of my coins on books. Does that make sense? I'm a bibliophile. I have no shame.
5.      Eat better.
I already have a mostly healthy diet. Before I made choices to live a healthier lifestyle, I didn’t think healthy and delicious could be put in the same sentence. I was wrong! I find that my healthy choices leave me feeling refreshed. I’d like to make my mostly healthy diet into a completely healthy diet.

While I’m very optimistic about what the future holds, I hope you’re getting nothing but good vibes from the world around you. Life’s too short. We mustn’t waste our time with the bad. Let 2018 be your year. Take a hold of it and make it your bitch. Believe in the good even when it feels like only the bad exists. When you believe in the good, nothing, no matter how bad, can destroy your optimism. Let’s leave 2017 and the years before prior in the past. After all, how can we have a better now if we’re not present?


2017 Recap & New Year's Resolutions 

Today is New Year's Eve. I have my cinnamon oatmeal and coffee. Sometime this afternoon, I will get dressed to celebrate the year's end and the year to come. Just like last year, I sat down reminiscing about this year and feeling hopeful about the next.

I have high hopes for 2017.

1. Let go of fears and just go.
2. Go on more adventures.
3. Be patient.
4. Continue to be kind.
5. Give a compliment a day.
6. Make every day as poetic as the last.
7. Write out the words I hadn't the chance to speak out loud after each day.
8. Meet new, wonderful people.
9. Dance until everything is better than ever,
10. Be the best version of me I could possibly be and continue to grow.

I managed to do most of what is on the list on and off and on again. My favorite was the first. Especially because the last quarter of the year left me saying goodbye to my therapist. It was both scary and thrilling. I’ve been enjoying life as a bibliophile and an English major. Though the work load may have brought on near meltdowns. My confidence is at a surplus. I have better clothes to show off my new-found confidence. Plus, I’ve had better coffee this year. COFFEE IS IMPORTANT.

2017 was a very personal year for me. That sounds insane. I know. Besides, the insane and childish politics, I did my best to keep a promise to myself that I made on New Year’s Eve in 2016.

2017 was a momentous year of growth and learning. It was fun. It was challenging. There were some adventures and there were many firsts. 2017 taught me that I am stronger than I think. This past year brought new friendships and opened many doors. Just like any year, this year had its difficulties, but there were many more ups. 2017 was a wonderful year for me. I’m looking forward to 2018. Cheers!


Closing the book and starting afresh.

The past couple of years have been a roller coaster. In the beginning, days were nearly impossible to get through. Anxiety was kicking my butt. I felt the need to cry all the time and I was depressed. I began to see a therapist to seek help before my depression consumed me completely. My life changed for the better.

For weeks, I've been going back and forth with my therapist. Everything is good in my world. She says, “Darianne, you don’t need me anymore.” She is right. For the longest time, I was seeing her biweekly and sometimes not at all. I realized I’ve been standing on my own for a really long time. All I needed to do was take the training wheels off. It’s a little scary to think about walking away from my sessions, but it’s what I need to do. Also, she was about ready to give me the boot (I’m only kidding. Sort of).

It's a bittersweet moment for me. I had my last therapy session last Friday. I'm so grateful to my therapist (now former) and this journey I'm on. 

Just like my new journal (my old one is half finished, but no longer needed or wanted), I'm starting afresh. I'm considering the old book I called "My Life" a terribly written prequel. This is where my story begins. I'm calling it "The Moment She Started Living". 

And I thank you. Yes, you who took the time to read this post. I've only gotten started and blogging is going to play a bigger roll in my book. I hope you stick around. Cheers to you!

And cheers to a new beginning!


A bunch of things I'm thankful for.

Every thanksgiving (well, everyday really), I think about everything I'm thankful for. I've been blessed. I've struggled most of my life and this is the first holiday season, I am free of it all. Yay, right? It's an amazing feeling. TO be happy in life and to be happy to be here living. Wow! This holiday season is already one for the books!

Speaking of holidays, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I'm excited to be having my first vegan Thanksgiving. While I've been following a vegetarian diet, part of my family has completely gone vegan. It's very exciting. Not to mention, I am in full Christmas mode already. 

So, in no particular order, here are a bunch of things I am thankful for:
  1. Blogging
  2. Family & Friends
  3. Coffee
  4. A job I actually enjoy.
  5. Beating depression
  6. Getting a handle on my anxiety without meds
  7. PIZZA
  8. My Kindle and collection of books
  9. Every song that has ever touched my heart
  10. Past and present experiences
  11. Autumnal and holiday scented candles 
  12. Chocolate covered pretzels
  13. The "ber" months
  14. Gelato
  15. Hot Apple Cider
  16. New York City and its aesthetics
  17. My journey to peace and happiness (I really am happy and I do have peaceful and blissful moments)
  18. Sweetgreen's Apple, Pear, + Cheddar salad
  19. Love and positivity around
  20. Concerts (because Ed Sheeran live is the greatest thing to ever happen thus far)
  21. All of you
Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrates! It's a day full of laughter, cheer, love, kindness, and bonding. May this Thanksgiving be as memorable as the last and new memories come from it. Happy-start-of-holiday-season to you!


P.S. What are you thankful for?

Be a flaneur.

Above, the skies blue while the clouds gray. The rooves below are strong and meet in the corners inspired by the Victorian Gothic era. Banners wave loudly, but not before the leaves, which wilt away as the seasons change. Not before the grass and the flowers which are waiting to be reborn next spring. Then there are bodies of enigmas. Insignificant, yet so important. Bundles of warmth cling to the flesh of these enigmas rushing to shelter. To warmth. To knowledge. To their future. Whatever that may be.

Flaneur: passionate wanderer

Occasionally, we get bored of the things we see daily. Every so often, we become immune to everything around us. I’m from New York City. I can attest to that. We can’t be bother, at times, to venture into the city. As a native, there are certain places and things that I can’t be bothered with. Don’t let your nonchalant attitude about your location blur your lens. 

On Wednesday, my Women’s Lit professor gave us an assignment to be flaneurs. She wanted us to explore and write about it. The excerpt above is a result of that assignment. Lately, I haven’t been out anywhere and I haven’t done anything remotely fun. I know I said I would. This assignment gave me a real push.

I enjoy finding new things to be gaga for. Victorian Gothic architecture is one of those things. The moment I walked into this out of place area, I couldn’t believe what I saw. People who live in the neighborhood shrug it off. To me, it was this neo-gothic, Babylonian place that floated in the sky. If a person looks up from down below, the neo-gothic architecture looks like a floating, medieval cathedral. I finally found what captured my interest all those years ago. I fell in love with it and decided it's a place I want to be. 

Anyways, we don’t all live in a place like NYC nor do we all have to. Finding magic where you are is up to you. Be a flaneur wherever you are. You will find something. It doesn’t matter if you live in the same place you were born and raised. Even if it’s hard to find, there is something. 

Let the flowers blossom around what you see. Let the faeries and unicorns walk about. Mother Earth is a beautiful woman. She is the that woman. What do you see?  When you’re done, try to see it from someone else’s perspective. 

The lens you see through may solely yours, but there's always a new way to see things. 

Have fun, flaneurs. Enjoy whatever magic you find. 


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