Sunday, July 16, 2017

Sundays: Gentle mornings.

 Sundays: Gentle mornings.

Her body swayed, while she danced, as a plant sways in the water. - The Picture of Dorian Gray (1890), Oscar Wilde 

It’s the early hours of the morning. The sun is barely a whisper. The rays gently warm my face and kisses my cheek good morning. My eyes flutter open. My hair is a mess. My head slowly lifts as my eyes roam the room for an indication of time. It’s 6:27 a.m. and I’m not sure why I’m awake, but it doesn’t seem to bother me. I rolled over to my side hyper aware that there isn’t a layer between my skin and the sheets. I feel peace. I feel the love I have for yourself intensify as a small smile creeps onto my face. Sleepiness is still painted on my features as I breathe in and exhale. I feel like a work of art. It’s as if Botticelli painted me himself, but I’m still tired. The gentleness of the morning and the harshness of the sunrays causes my eyes to flutter and shut. Many moments pass before sleepiness conquers my being. The new dreams I have are about me and the sun being one. There isn’t much of a difference anymore.

An hour later, the sun danced in the sky. My body rejected the idea of more sleep. After heading straight to the showers, the coffee maker was turned on and coffee started to brew. Lana Del Rey played unapologetically in my ears as I made my coffee just right. My laptop was soon in arms reach as I fired it up. It’s that time of the week again. Sunday! How am I feeling? Gentle. What do I want to say? Be gentle. How? Write as if I’m writing a novel.

As Lana played and I typed away, the melody began to take control of my body. I twirled as if I was a ballerina. I danced so freely. No one is watching. How could I not? My giggles could be heard through my bedroom door as I went back to writing this or what was originally supposed to be this. I’ve never felt emotions this way. This morning is so tender. It’s touch so gentle.

Thinking about gentleness and how I am now got me thinking of the old me. That girl feels like ancient history though she is a recent ex. In the beginning, being gentle with myself was hard. I couldn’t give myself praises. Every mistake was another reason to tear myself apart. When I think of being gentle, I think of how kind a person is to themselves. Things have changed. I like to shower myself with love and compliments. “I look wonderful today.” “Self, you’re amazing.” “Excellent job today, Darianne.” I like to log out of life sometimes and enjoy my own company. Headphones in. World out.

My body has been intoxicated by the music playing in my bedroom. I’m under the influence now. How did I get to this state? Well, yesterday I had a “f*ck it” attitude about everything. It was mostly because this past week was just filled with anxiety. I had almost reached my limit and cried. It was only hump day when I found my journal after months of not using it.  I wrote and I wrote. It felt invigorating, but it wasn’t enough. Then today arrived.

It’s Sunday. I’m just about done. The gentleness that is Sunday morning has conquered all that I am. I’m mellow. I’m happy in this moment. I want to shout it to the world. Maybe I’ll whisper it to the summer breeze. Maybe the summer breeze will deliver my message to you. Maybe you’ll get it today. Maybe you’ll get it tomorrow or a week from now. I only ask this of you:

Please be gentle with yourself. 

All the love as always.

Darianne ♥


Sunday, July 9, 2017

Sundays: Life as a hopeless romantic.

Sundays: Life as a hopeless romantic.

It's 7 a.m. once more. As I am sat here listening to the rain and drinking my coffee, I let my attention mosey about. This morning I am typing away while listening to Someone New by Hozier. It’s quietly playing in the background as usual. The song itself reminded me of a conversation I had the other day. I’ll paint a picture.

My friends and I were sat in the school’s cafĂ© while waiting for our first lecture. We were discussing many things. Then love became a dominant topic we had to discuss. There were three sides to this discussion and the people involved chose a side. The first side believes a person can’t just fall in love. They believe love takes time to build. The second side was the middle ground. They believe in love at first sight. They also believe that it’s hard to really believe in love at first sight because of our generation. The people who stood in the middle then went on to say that they also believe love may be a figment of our imagination. Then there’s my side. As a secret hopeless romantic, I believe in love all around. I believe that love can happen instantly. A person can fall in love with a flower. A person can fall in love with the warm caresses of the summer breeze. A person can fall in love with another human in a moments time. Maybe I’m looking at things through rose-colored glasses, but I did say I am a hopeless romantic. I can’t be the only one.

Have you ever met someone who just took your breath away? It doesn’t have to be the way they look. I’m talking about the canvas they paint for you. The art in the gallery that is hung for you to perceive. The fine art that embodies who they really are. The soft silk of their words causes a movie to play in your head as you take in every adjective used to describe who they are. Maybe it was something instead of someone. A sunflower stood tall and slowly swayed to the warm caresses of the summer breeze. You wanted to pick it, but you knew that something that beautiful should be loved from afar. Maybe it was the cool kiss of the ocean on your warm, bare skin. Goosebumps became visible all over your body and suddenly butterflies fluttered around aimlessly in your stomach. It’s just the ocean, but in that moment the ocean is personified into something more. Love isn’t conventional. Falling in love isn’t conventional. There are no rules. Love has no boundaries.

While having this discussion, I challenged my friends to try it my way. I asked them to look through rose-colored glasses when they’re looking, viewing, and seeing life, people, and things. Somewhere along the lines, I’ll ask how it’s going for them. Maybe it's all the French films I've seen, but I encourage you and anyone else to try it out. I dare you. The world is more beautiful when we choose love. At least to me it is. Let me know what your thoughts are on the subject are.

All the love as always. xx

Darianne ♥


Wednesday, July 5, 2017

I'm dreaming of a place called Italy.

I'm dreaming of a place called Italy.

Wanderlust. It's probably one of my favorite words. When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher started the first day of class by passing around a fossil that she has. It's huge. It is so cool. Then the class found out it is ancient dinosaur poop. That pretty much set the tone for the year. My fifth grade teacher is a traveler. She would tell the class these cool stories. In my mind a movie would play as she laced every sentence with details of her trips. At lunch the class was allowed to stay in and watch Amazing Race. All the tasks they had to complete, the places they'd go, and the food the competitors would eat made me want to pack my bags and go. 

I still dream of backpacking through Europe and completing my extreme bucket list. I'd love to see everything. Besides turning into an adrenaline junkie, there are places I just want to lose myself in. From the mountain tops of Bolzano to the surrounding seas of Sicily, Italy is a true gem. 

Food & Places

If you know me, then you know I am a bottomless pit. I can just eat and eat. So, it's more than safe to say that I love food. There are some amazing Italian restaurants in New York. Some of the owners even move to New York from Italy. Thank you for that kind sirs and madams. You're food is incredible. There's nothing like authentic food.

Someday I'll go to Italy and eat all of these amazing foods. Obviously, Pizza in Naples is a must, but there's more than just pizza. I am not the biggest fan of tomatoes, but I think I'm willing to cave for some Bruschetta. How about some cheese, vegetables or beans instead? Lets not forget about pasta. Pasta is a must! Penne all'arrabbiata sounds about right. Trying local street foods will be fun. How about rice balls dipped in egg, flour, and breadcrumbs to then be fried into a tasty delight? Arancini di Riso in it's home of Sicily is something that should be experienced. My mouth is already watering. Now, I don't know about you, but I love carbs. Aren't they delicious. Bread is one of the most brilliant inventions ever. That brings me to Focaccia. Genoa is the place for Focaccia. Maybe you're like me and you are all for the dessert. Gelato in Rome and Chocolate in Turin sounds like the way to go. Even though food is the way to my heart, there's more to do than just stuff my face. Italy is more than just a place to get some incredible food. I did say Italy is a gem. 

Does anyone remember the Lizzie McGuire movie? As a huge Lizzie McGuire fan, I wanted to go on that adventure. The whole time her reality felt like an alternate universe. If that didn't make me want to go to Italy more than I already did, then the architecture and history sold me. The Fontana di Trevi is one of the most beautiful works of art I've ever seen (from afar). I want to make a wish there. Of, course there's the Colosseum and the Pantheon. I have to take a photo where it looks like I'm trying to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. How about sight seeing via the Grand Canal in Venice? A Gondola ride in the day and night should be fun. How cool is it to be in a Gondola while cruising around in Venice? #Winning. I can't forget about Florence. To be engulfed by Dante and Beatrice's love story would be a dream. There's also things like Ponte della Maddalena which is located in Lucca. The bridge is a work of art and its surroundings is just as beautiful. Time under the Tuscan sun is going to be wonderful.

As time goes on my list grows. Italy is one of my many dreams. Someday I will go and do all of the things I said I would. I will eat all the food I said I would. For now, I am allowed to fantasize about such a grand trip. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? What food would you eat? What landmarks or unknown place would you like to see? Before I go, here is one of my favorite Italian phrases:

Il dolce far niente.

All the love as always. xx

Darianne ♥


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Things my therapist told me.

Things my therapist told me.

For more than a year, I have been seeing a therapist. Within this time, I've noticed some recurring themes. Whether it be boundaries, criticizing myself, or sugarcoating uncomfortable situations; I've learned that I have a tendency to fall back when I need to stand strong. In recent times, I went on twitter and read tweets from women about having similar habits or being in similar situations.

As a feminist and a woman, I know for a fact that women are bosses. The role of "female boss" has been renamed "bitch" in recent times by people who fear they'll lose their masculinity or those who don't understand feminism. Everyday I learn something new as a woman and feminist. For example, a lot of people think a person can't be kind and take control or put their foot down. It's called multitasking. A woman can be kind while being the boss in her life or a boss in general. I think New York called it HBIC (Head Bitch In Charge). 

I'll admit that I've struggled with being kind and not taking crap from people. I've struggled with being my own boss and not wanting to hurt anyone in the process. I don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes I rather walk away and avoid drama instead of standing up for myself. That Latina fire can come out when pushed too far, but I rather have peace and harmony around me. *Queue rolling of the eyes* As I tried to sort out how to make sense of it all, I asked my therapist for some advice. Here's what she told me:
  1. You are your worst critic. She and I can't stress this enough. I know that I am extremely hard on myself. I always want things to be perfect and sometimes nothing I do feels like it's good enough. Give yourself a break. We do our best. We try our hardest. We live. We learn. When applying this to situations, don't tear yourself apart. Allow yourself to be honest with yourself. Therefore, translating whatever you need to will be easier.
  2. Don't minimize situations. I do not like to hurt people's feelings, but I also believe in telling the truth. I was recently in a situation where someone had crushed my feelings. Instead of letting the person know that I was extremely hurt by what they said, I took some of the blame when the blame wasn't mine to take. Sometimes it's hard to tell someone how we feel when we really want to tell them off. Sometimes we find kinder synonyms to take the place of the harsher words in our head. Either way, DO NOT downplay the situation. It's important to communicate true feelings. You won't get a desired response if you don't.
  3. Set boundaries. Whether it's in a relationship or just with yourself, boundaries are important. Boundaries keep us safe. Boundaries lets a person know what you will and will not tolerate. It's important to know yourself and communicate that with the person you're dealing with. Boundaries can help avoid bad situations and give a person a piece of mind.
  4. Be impeccable with words. When communicating a person's words should be transparent. I know a person who throws out every word in the dictionary when they're trying to express how they feel. I'm all for vocabulary. I think it's wonderful, but everyone isn't a walking dictionary. Sometimes we're not as clear as we thought we were. Don't complicate the situation anymore. Just say, "*Insert person's name*, you made me feel _______ when you ______" Even though it's not as simple as it seems being clear is better than the alternative. Make sure to choose words wisely. A person doesn't need to be a grade A ass to get their point across. Be mindful. Be in the moment
  5. Be self-aware. Sometimes our days feel cloudy and nothing goes well. Been there. Done that. A person should know what they're bringing to the table. How a person feels can set the tone in their interaction with another. A bad mood can cause things to be lost in translation. We want to avoid that all together.
  6. Openness. Keep an open mind. In many situations, how something is perceived will determine how it is handle. As humans we do our best not to judge. Wait until you know everything before you slam your gavel. Too many times we've jumped to conclusions and find out that we were wrong all along. Openness also has to do with different types of people and where they're from. I hear people say "that's not how we do things in _______." Honestly, no one cares. We may find that a new way can be a better way. Try new things. Live a little.
That's all for now. I hope all is well and this list of advice helps you along the way. I've been practising some of these and they've worked out well for me. Let me know what you think or if you have anything you want to add. Remember to always choose love.

All the love as always. xx


Wednesday, June 14, 2017

A hump day hello.

A hump day hello.

I am currently sat in my apartment with a book, a nice hot cup of Tazo tea, and Oasis playing quietly in the background. I am currently reading A Court of Thorns and Roses. Surprisingly I am actually enjoying. I've always been a fan of Contemporary Fiction, but this is a nice change. Anyways, as I'm reading I suddenly had thoughts about blogging and you lovely peoople. It wasn't anything about new content. That's coming soon. It was about the last time I just stopped to say "hello."

It's currently 7:34 a.m. Somehow I became a "morning" person. Sort of. Every morning, when the sunlight touches my face, I am reminded of my blessings. One of them is being able to be here right now, happy and well, talking to you. It's a special kind of morning. My mind didn't start racing. The heatwave is over for now. I didn't wake up grumpy (goodbye heatwave). I'm reminded of the simple things while being sat in the comfort of minimalism. I also wondered how you are doing.

Hello you,
How are you? I hope everything is well and you're happy. I hope your breakfast was delicious and your day is going well. Did you have coffee or tea today? How was it? Hopefully you woke up on the right side of the bed. I hope people are being kind to you and you are reciprocating. I hope you get that promotion or raise today. May your favorite shops have your size in the shoes and clothes you want. I hope you pass your test. May your hair forever be as pretty as it is now and you're jeans forever fit just right. I hope you feel loved. I'm sending even more love your way. May your days be filled with love and peace. May you be inspired by the things that surround you and swim in oceans of positivity. 

All the love as always. xx

- Love Darianne


Friday, June 9, 2017

Confidence with style. Confidence in me.

Get the dress here.

Get sneakers here.

Confidence with style.

I remember way back in 2014 when I started this blog. I was nervous to be in front of a camera. I was a bit afraid to put my "style" out there. It's not like my style is very flamboyant. I just wasn't confident. I remember why I started this blog. I remember doing it on a whim. I hadn't realized what hard work and dedication had to be put into something like this. After a while, I realized that I am the face of this blog. What if people don't like my face? What if I'm not enough? I don't feel like I am.

Back in 2014, I wanted people to like the content. I still do, but I'm not stressed about approval anymore. Back then I was most nervous about shedding the image that everyone already had of mez and putting myself out there. I'm not talking about people online. I'm talking about people closest to me. I was terribly dressed and comfortable with it because I lacked confidence to step out and shine bright. The change was subtle and then it wasn't. 

Sometime in high school, I had bought a proper pair of heels. It wasn't until after I started this blog that I had purchased another pair of heels. Ankle boots have always been my favorite. Before blogging, I would only wear ankle boots on occasions. I would only dress up when I needed my photos to be taken. I would crawl back into the shell that I was so desperately trying to be free of. Photoshoots were the worst. Because I lacked in the confident deparment, everything was terrible and I hated every picture. I would ask for my picture to be taken over and over until I gave up and settled for whatever I had. Sometime I didn't use the photos and opted for picture of the city. Other times I just didn't post because I was walking Goo Goo Dolls lyrics.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand

As time went on, I would begin to get dressed up just because. I became comfortable with people staring. Sometimes I'd get a smile and other times I'd get compliments. Sometimes compliments weird me out, but I appreciate them nonetheless and I can accept them. I began to wear dresses and felt good in them. Wearing black made me feel like a rockstar and I love how badass that is. Eventually, I added color to my wardrobe. As a girl dripping with melanin, I know that bright and bold colors work. I know those colors make my skin tone pop and sometime I glow. I didn't feel comfortable with wearing color before. I've worn black my entire life. Well, watch out world. I've built a confident monster and I'm not afraid to strut anymore. I'm going to wear my dresses full of colors and my ankle boots anywhere and at anytime. I'm going wear patterns that I love, but to self-conscious to wear. I'm going "Oops! I did it again" whenever I wear something new or that I love. I'm walking down the path that I am preaching about. It feels so good to be walking on sunshine!

Confidence in me.

I'm not sure when or how this happened either. Confidence in myself was like a vivid dream that somehow transferred into reality. One day I met up with my godbrother. He is my usual photographer. He knows me well enough to know I never like public spaces. I usually like to find secluded places because I was self-conscious in front of a camera and would disappear when people walk by. I was so nervous about small things. I tended to hide or walk away and just forget about the shoot. I used to get so frustrated when being photographed. I didn't have much confidence in what I looked like before. As if the evolution of my style wasn't enough, I now had to find it in myself to be comfortable in my skin. That was hard for me. I live in one of the most recognized cities in the world and everyone likes to stare. 

Sometime in the past couple of months, I had a bunch of photos taken of me. I only realized two photoshoots later, that I wasn't nervous behind the camera or in front of people. That was new and exciting. It made the shoot after that more fun. I don't cower away anymore. I don't care if people walk by even if they're photobombing. I sit in front of the camera and dance. I'm a terrible dancer, but it's how I function while being photographed.  I even posted a selfie not too long ago. I NEVER take selfies, but I was feeling it. I only took one and posted the photo before I'd regret it. It's still on IG. It's a miracle that it's still there. I believe in myself more and more. Let stranger was by and stare. I'm not the same self-conscious person I was when I started or even a few months ago.

From me to you.

I genuinely understand what it's like to be self-conscious. At times I still feel like a self-conscious, anxious freak. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. Always remember that everything will be okay. Take the time you need away to work on yourself or keep pushing through like I did. Keep facing those fears and keep kicking them in the butt. I became self-conscious when I stepped in front of a camera or when I was putting myself out there for the world to see, but that was it. Whether it be one thing that makes you feel that way or other things, don't let it bring you down. Talk loud. Shine brighter. Be prouder. You are everything. Remember:

You are you and that is beautiful.

All the love as always,

Darianne xx


Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Current State of Mind pt. 2: A celebration is in order.

 A celebration is in order.

In the photo above is my baby sister. How cute is she? Yes, I know she's not a baby. We're only two years apart, but my sisters are my babies. Yes, she is taller than me. In fact, I am the eldest of four and the shortest. Lets move on. My lovely sister has graduated today! She's on her way to becoming a lawyer. I couldn't be more proud. As a mom, a sister, and a student, she is doing a wonderful job. 

I'll never be able to express how proud of her I am. When she was a baby and I was two, I would poke her until I was bored. Now we're all grown up and she's been that friend. She's the friend you can't stand because they don't study for exams, but still manages to get an A. She's the friend who is good at everything and doesn't bother to try. She's the friend who manages to be everywhere and nowhere at once. Hey, sis! Teach me your ways.

Sis, I love you to bits and pieces. You deserve everything coming your way. You've pushed through sleepless nights and made this far. Never give up. No matter where you go in life, you will only get the best. You'll always be the best. You never settle and you never take no for an answer. Congratulations on graduating today! It's only the beginning.

All the love as always,
Your annoying older sister

 Family & Celebrations

My family and I got together a couple of days ago to celebrate my sister's accomplishments. There was a lot of frolicking, dancing, skipping, bantering, and eating. Family reunion don't happen quite often. Everyone is busy adulting. When they do happen, there's nothing but laughing and great memories being made. 

My mom and youngest sister came to visit and celebrate.  All five of us together means trouble. I'm only half kidding. My sisters and I don't get to go home often because we're in school. So, when we can, we try to come together. We have an entire week together before my mom and youngest sister have to go back home. Lets see who gets on who nerves first.

As for me...

Well, remember how excited I was for the summer holiday? Want to hear a LOL? I signed up for summer courses. I clearly didn't enough of my anxiety during the last two semesters. The offer to take free courses this summer was offered to me and I couldn't turn it down. These classes are a requirement to graduate. So, I am taking advantage of a wonderful offer. Half of the summer will be stressful, but if an great opportunity is presented to me, I must take it. I'm just happy it's not the entire summer. I still get to enjoy the second half which is good. Because I signed up for the first summer session and not the second, I get time off before the I have to go back and pull my hair out. Yay me!

Anyways, cheers to my sister and all the other graduates of 2017! Cheers to half a summer vacation. 

All the love. xx



Friday, May 19, 2017

What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation.

"What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation."

Hiya! I am currently doing backflips. Do you know that feeling when your professor or teacher announces the end of the semester or school year? With final exams coming in the next week, I have a sudden case of senioritis. I must keep focus! I've been anticipating the end of the semester since the first day of school. Anyways, that's enough of that.

'Tis that season again. Okay! Not that season. The season of summer love and adventure. Are you ready? I am. I am ready to turn off my alarm clock and sleep in. This is where I insert the part where I romanticize summer. Ready? Here goes. Bonfires, beaches, sparklers, staying hydrated, nice tans, hot guys, summer romance, and adventure. Did I do a decent job?  I'm ready for it all. I've just about tossed the school books aside and brought out my dresses. I think the people around me are realist. They're sick of me.  A little fantasy doesn't hurt anyone. I am keeping the dreamer within me alive. That dreamer is ready to try new things. The idea of summer makes me giggle like a teenage girl talking to her crush. I think I may be in too deep.

Life is being lived and everyone is in love.

Last summer I fell in love with the night. I fell in love in the moment. In my end-of-summer post, I poured my heart into my final nights of summer. This summer I plan on pouring my heart into every day and night this season allows.

I fell in love with this summer evening like it is my first love. It was like a scene in a movie. A scene where there aren't any words. There is just music. Everything is moving in slow and fast motion. It's like the scene in the movie where there is just pure happiness. Life is being lived and everyone is in love. Even if it's just for the night. Strangers are meeting and everyone is becoming one. A true and happy blur. 

I'm not quite sure what my plans are for the summer to come. I didn't want to plan anything. There is enough stress in having a schedule. I do know that I have a concert coming up in a couple of weeks that I am excited for. I'm just going where the wind blows. I'm following my heart. After stressing about school and all the course work, I owe it to myself to be free. So, wherever my daydreaming and night thinking takes me, I'll be here to write it out in my very public diary. Stay tuned.

 "May the odds ever be in your favor."

To everyone out there taking final exams or are working hard for something, I wish you all the best. To the graduates of 2017, best wishes to you and your future. To those who want to fall in love this summer, go ahead and fall in love with whatever and whomever you'd like. To those who want to be free, butterfly fly away. The world is your oyster. To those who are dreaming, dream on. The world is more colorful because of you. To everyone and anyone, I wish you the best summer ever. Cheers to Summer '17!

All the love as always,


Monday, May 1, 2017

Lust List: Spring Edition

Spring is in full effect here in New York. There have been random rainy days and some really hot days recently. I still believe the weather has been perfect. With this perfect weather comes less layers. I can wear dresses again without worrying about my skin being irritated because of how cold it is outside. I can bring out those pretty blush sandals that I bought while it was still cold. Can you tell how excited I am about the seasons changing?

With my excitement comes a lust list. I have been eyeing some items. First are the Calvin Klein shorts. Comfort is so important. Even though they are more for lounging or for being used as active gear, they can be used to be made into a chic outfit. Use your imagination. Okay. So, Denim. Denim. Denim. Denim. I love denim. That's why I can’t seem to get away from the denim skirts and shorts I've seen in recent shops. Whether your denim shorts and skirts are distressed or plain old denim, I feel like denim is a must. When I go shopping for skirts, I find myself looking for dresses because why not? My favorite type of dress is the slip dress. Since I can't be bothered to wear a bra most days, slip dresses are great. I don't have to try hard to wear the perfect push up bra. Next up is BREAKING NEWS. I've decided to try out makeup. Everyone who knows be thinks I’m sick because of these new revelations. Before we get carried away, I'm starting with concealer. Anything else just becomes a burden. Then there is lipstick. I love red lipsticks. Shades of red are my favorite. I also like nude lipsticks. I haven't found the perfect nude lipstick yet, but I have found a few that I absolutely want to try. I am new to this after all, but I am still on the hunt. Any ideas? When a person looks good, they want to smell good. I already own Maison Margiela's Lazy Sunday Morning perfume from his REPLICA collection. It's one of the prettiest smells ever. At The Barber is one of my favorite colognes, but I personally would wear it. It's delicious. Can we shay shopping spree?

What about shoe game? White Chuck Taylor's are always a must and Nike's Air Max Thea can be worn in any season. Sandals with block heels are my favorites and my go to. They're comfortable and easy to walk in. Rihanna released slides for her FENTY x PUMA line. They're so pretty and I have been staring at them since they were released. Then there are bags. In the summer, I don't like to carry with large bags. They make me feel like I'm suffocating in the heat. I try to purchase small bags for that reason. Right now, I am in love with horseshoe shaped bags. *Inserts heart-eye emoji*Lastly, everyone needs accessories. I prefer sunglasses for the season to come. Ray-Ban is great for all types of glasses. My favorite are the aviators. What's not to love? 

I hope you enjoyed my first ever lust list! I'm thrilled for what's to come in the coming season. I hope all is well and you get a season full of laughter and love.

All the love as always. xx


Monday, April 17, 2017

Current state of mind.

I am important. I am someone. I am special.

I usually feel like I am simply somebody. Things have been different. There's been a slight change in pressure. I don't feel like I'm just somebody. I feel like I'm somebody important. It's quite nice to feel important. I don't just feel important. I am important. It's great when someone makes me feel that way, but I like it better knowing I feel greater about myself than anybody could. That's mostly because I am me. Loving one's self is important. Consider this  a boost in my self-esteem. Did I mention I also feel special? I am and so are you. Lets discuss further.

It seems that lately I've had a habit of being quiet at times when I should speak up. I walk away instead of allowing myself to be heard. There was a point where I was being shushed and I didn't even stand up for myself. I've allowed myself to fade into the background. What's that about? That's not who I am. There was another point in time where I forgot that I am just as important as everyone else. Maybe it's because I've been anxious. Maybe I just couldn't be bothered. Maybe I'm picking my battles carefully. Either way, I didn't like any of it one bit.

It all finally came to an end. I became frustrated with myself. How dare I? How dare I not be all that I am and more? It's not like I'm spreading negativity. Oh no! Never that. I believe in positivity, equality, and love for all. So, how dare I? We were all born to shine. Why not shine like we are born to? 

I came to win. To conquer. To thrive.

I recently learned how much I love sleep and how much I miss it. There's just simply not enough time in the day. I haven't been getting much sleep. My anxiety has been through the roof. I'm up by 7 a.m. every morning and asleep anywhere between midnight and 3 a.m. My therapist tells me that I need sleep, but I don't listen. As much as I complain about how much course work sucks and I don't get to sleep, I enjoy keeping busy.

The Spring semester is finally coming to an end. There's only less than a month left. I'm mentally doing olympic worthy backflips and cartwheels. This school year has been stressful. What is sleep when someone is working their asses off to get a degree? I know. Sleep literally keeps people sane. I don't mind giving up a bit of sleep because it's all worth it.

I came to win. To Conquer. To thrive. I'm not going to give up. There's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I will keep my eyes on the prize.

Live for today, but be positive about tomorrow.

Recently someone told me to "live for today and not tomorrow's satisfaction." That's great, right? I just don't truly know how to do that. Even if I did, it'd probably mess up my equilibrium. I believe in multitasking. As someone who deals with anxiety, I can't help but worry. As much as living in the moment has been going well, I still overthink about everything past, present, and future related. How can I not? I've been trying to get into the habit of being in the moment while being positive about the future.

Tomorrow is something that isn't guaranteed. Everyone knows that, but some of us still worry about the future instead of enjoying the now. If you're like me, then I'm here to tell you to do both. Be in the moment. Enjoy every millisecond of it. Laugh as much as you can. Love as hard as you can. When you become anxious about your tomorrow or even somewhere far off in the future, don't fret. Think about the positives of what you wish or want to happen. Think of the positives of what will happen. Most people can't help that their minds wander into the future. At least try to make your thoughts good ones. It helps. 

So, remember. Live for today and be positive about tomorrow. 

When do I get to play?

Summer is on its way! Finally! I'm not ready for the heat, but I am ready to just get away from the stress of school. I'm excited for beach days, sleeping in until 9, and summer nights. Summer nights are everything. I'm more excited about making more memories and having the time of my life. I'll have more time to blog and be free from the stress that is now.

Bye, bye to cold weather and the occasional blizzard. I mean, come on New York! It's almost May. No more layering my clothing. Well, nevermind. I don't wear layers anyways. Pretty soon the temperature will rise and I won't have to deal with how moody New York City weather actually is. Hey, New York. I'll lend you my therapist if you promise to get your crap together. I'm tired of your mood swings.

From mood swings to self-esteem, there's nothing but beautiful vibes all around. I hope you're having a wonderful time. Tell me what's been on your mind as well.

All the love as always. xx



Monday, February 6, 2017

Second time's the charm.

Second time's the charm.

December 2, 2014 was the first time I went to Washington D.C. A friend and I were attending a The 1975 concert at Echostage. Neither of us had been to the capitol. We were so excited. We were going to spend an entire day somewhere new. There was one problem: neither one of us did our research. As a result, we didn't get to see anything in D.C. except the show. Not that I am complaining. 

Fast forward three years. I recently got the chance to spend all of February 4th in Washington D.C. I went with my college. The plan was to visit the National Museum of African American History and Culture which is owned by the Smithsonian. I was blown away by everything within the museum. The exhibits go on for over a mile. That's what we were told. I saw people from all kinds of backgrounds excited and eager to learn. I got emotional when I got to the Emmett Till exhibition. No photos were allowed in that section. Anyone who walked into that part of the museum left with a heavy heart.

By the time we made it through the entire lower level exhibit, everyone had their buddy and did whatever they chose to do with the time remaining. We promised to return to D.C. to see the rest of the museum. It's too big to see in one day and it's too much to take in at once. Spring break anyone?

The end of our time at in D.C. brought us to the George Washington Monument. My new found friend and I was in awe of the monument. It's beautiful. Washington D.C. in general is beautiful. My breath was taken away every time we turned a corner. 

Of course people say that curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. We walked past the national World War II Memorial and the National Mall. We stopped when we realized what it was. We doubled back, but couldn't stay. We were running out of time and Lincoln wasn't far from where we stood. I've always dreamed of seeing the Lincoln Memorial. 

The Lincoln Memorial is massive and not as creepy as I thought. From far it looks like President Lincoln is living in his own marble Batcave.

This entire day is a day I'll never forget. I met some amazing people. I talked to strangers. I learned a lot about my heritage. I knocked Lincoln off my bucket list. Starbucks and free food was definitely another plus.

If you're ever in D.C., I recommend seeing monuments and visiting museums. It'll take multiple trips to see it all, but The District of Columbia is just worth it. 

All the love. xx


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Don't need to control everything. Don't need to be perfect. Be free. Be happy.

No need to control everything. No need to be perfect.

I've learned a thing or two about a thing or two in the past year. Some of the most important lessons I learned was about control and how giving some of it up is absolutely brilliant. Think about all the things that we try to control, but actually can't. We rile ourselves up. We waste energy beating ourselves up instead of letting things play out the way they're supposed to. 

It's understandable that we want to control things. Sometimes we have a death grip on the idea of control. Control can become consuming. We get caught up. We do things deliberately for a positive outcome.  I was always looking for the perfect moment and tried to control the moment if I wasn't feeling it.  I let the need to control things consume me and it ended with multiple anxiety attacks.

I also learned to stop romanticizing perfection. There isn't such a thing. The moment I stopped trying to perfect everything, I felt some weight lifted from my shoulders. I'm not saying I don't enjoy "perfect" moments. I'm saying I vowed not to be hard on myself anymore. Life isn't perfect. It's bad enough Hollywood is pretending that perfection is the only thing that matters and that every second of their lives is a perfect moment. It's exhausting.

Moments are not meant to be controlled or perfect.

There's no need to control everything. There's no need to be perfect all the time.

Going where the wind blows isn't always a bad thing

First off, it can be hard to just free yourself from your worries about things in a general sense. It can be scary to put one's self in a vulnerable state and setting oneself free, but facing those fears is worth it. In the words of Bob Marley,  "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our mind." There are rules made by society. It's like some sort of code of conduct. The problem is no one knows who started this idea. We've never met the man or woman who said people should think, act, and dress a certain way. So toss it. 

Second, when I let my hair flow in every direction the wind blew, I felt free. Nothing is better than that feeling where all of those chains that were holding me back had been broken and I was no longer prisoner. Let your hair loose. Take steps or a leap of faith and go for it. The truth is no one actually cares and most people are bored. So, go after everything you want and be free. Let the wind flow through your hair and let the open road inspire you.  I've got your back. Like Drake said, "Everybody dies, but not everybody lives." He was so frickin' right!

Third, don't sell out and don't sell yourself short. Everyone isn't cut out for certain ways of life. That doesn't mean you're not worthy because you can't be like them. Individuality is the most amazing thing ever. Own your sexy. Don't give up what you want because you fell short a few times. I've fallen short plenty of times. That doesn't mean I gave up. That means I got up and tried harder. Your dreams and goals are what you aspire to achieve and make a reality. Go! I dare you.

Gotta follow my heart wherever it takes me.

I've spent a lot of time in the past month in a small, pensive bubble. Before the year started, I had come up with a list of resolutions. After the ball dropped, I spent the next few weeks in an introspective state. I had the time. So why not? I took the time to hang out with myself. I took care of myself. I befriended myself again. I began falling in love with myself all over again.

Taking this time for myself was absolutely amazing. I began to listen to my heart. I let my heart feel and I've kept up with most of my New Year's resolutions. My favorite resolution so far is going on more adventures. This Friday I'm going to Washington D.C. for the second time. I can't wait! I'll go where the wind blows. I'll follow my heart wherever it takes me. I'm going to have a good damn time while I'm at it.

As for you remember this moment. Remember that we will never me as young as we are now. Life goes by quickly. Don't let fear hold you back. Don't control the moments or try to perfect them. Make memories no matter how raw they are. Go to Paris and fall in love. Go dancing in London because why not? Go wherever your heart tells you to go.

My favorite three words to put together are peace, love, and inspire. Interpret this how you wish, but I wish you a peaceful life full of love and all the inspiration the world has to offer.

All the love as always. xx



Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 & Resolutions

2016 was a year that many people wouldn't want to talk about again. From politics to the loss of so many people, it's been tough. Personal issues may have been another reason why 2016 wasn't a good year. 
Even though 2016 was a tough year, I've managed to grow as a person and I'm still working on myself. I went back to school. I did well and I'm proud of myself. Those late nights, near anxiety attacks, actual anxiety attacks, and beyond emotional moments have been worth it. I also managed to stay positive throughout all this entire year. I've had moments of doubts like everyone else, but I managed to stay true,
Today is January 1, 2017. This is a new page, a new chapter, and a new beginning. There are opportunities and adventures that are awaiting me and you. Are you ready? I am. I'm excited for a fresh start and to continue on a positive journey.
With a new year comes new resolutions. We make them and the best of us usually break them. It's tradition. I had many resolutions for 2016. The most important one was to find the frequency that I vibe best with and go with it. I'm still working on it.
Every now and then I mention driftwood (in case you have no idea) and this year I got even better with "freeing myself from the troubles of lately" and the occasional "float on by like a piece of driftwood."
I have high hopes for 2017.

My New Year's Resolutions:

1. Let go of fears and just go.
2. Go on more adventures.
3. Be patient.
4. Continue to be kind.
5. Give a compliment a day.
6. Make every day as poetic as the last.
7. Write out the words I hadn't the chance to speak out loud after each day.
8. Meet new, wonderful people.
9. Dance until everything is better than ever,
10. Be the best version of me I could possibly be and continue to grow.
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