Friday, May 19, 2017

What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation.

"What time is it? Summertime! It's our vacation."

Hiya! I am currently doing backflips. Do you know that feeling when your professor or teacher announces the end of the semester or school year? With final exams coming in the next week, I have a sudden case of senioritis. I must keep focus! I've been anticipating the end of the semester since the first day of school. Anyways, that's enough of that.

'Tis that season again. Okay! Not that season. The season of summer love and adventure. Are you ready? I am. I am ready to turn off my alarm clock and sleep in. This is where I insert the part where I romanticize summer. Ready? Here goes. Bonfires, beaches, sparklers, staying hydrated, nice tans, hot guys, summer romance, and adventure. Did I do a decent job?  I'm ready for it all. I've just about tossed the school books aside and brought out my dresses. I think the people around me are realist. They're sick of me.  A little fantasy doesn't hurt anyone. I am keeping the dreamer within me alive. That dreamer is ready to try new things. The idea of summer makes me giggle like a teenage girl talking to her crush. I think I may be in too deep.

Life is being lived and everyone is in love.

Last summer I fell in love with the night. I fell in love in the moment. In my end-of-summer post, I poured my heart into my final nights of summer. This summer I plan on pouring my heart into every day and night this season allows.

I fell in love with this summer evening like it is my first love. It was like a scene in a movie. A scene where there aren't any words. There is just music. Everything is moving in slow and fast motion. It's like the scene in the movie where there is just pure happiness. Life is being lived and everyone is in love. Even if it's just for the night. Strangers are meeting and everyone is becoming one. A true and happy blur. 

I'm not quite sure what my plans are for the summer to come. I didn't want to plan anything. There is enough stress in having a schedule. I do know that I have a concert coming up in a couple of weeks that I am excited for. I'm just going where the wind blows. I'm following my heart. After stressing about school and all the course work, I owe it to myself to be free. So, wherever my daydreaming and night thinking takes me, I'll be here to write it out in my very public diary. Stay tuned.

 "May the odds ever be in your favor."

To everyone out there taking final exams or are working hard for something, I wish you all the best. To the graduates of 2017, best wishes to you and your future. To those who want to fall in love this summer, go ahead and fall in love with whatever and whomever you'd like. To those who want to be free, butterfly fly away. The world is your oyster. To those who are dreaming, dream on. The world is more colorful because of you. To everyone and anyone, I wish you the best summer ever. Cheers to Summer '17!

All the love as always,


Monday, May 1, 2017

Lust List: Spring Edition

Spring is in full effect here in New York. There have been random rainy days and some really hot days recently. I still believe the weather has been perfect. With this perfect weather comes less layers. I can wear dresses again without worrying about my skin being irritated because of how cold it is outside. I can bring out those pretty blush sandals that I bought while it was still cold. Can you tell how excited I am about the seasons changing?

With my excitement comes a lust list. I have been eyeing some items. First are the Calvin Klein shorts. Comfort is so important. Even though they are more for lounging or for being used as active gear, they can be used to be made into a chic outfit. Use your imagination. Okay. So, Denim. Denim. Denim. Denim. I love denim. That's why I can’t seem to get away from the denim skirts and shorts I've seen in recent shops. Whether your denim shorts and skirts are distressed or plain old denim, I feel like denim is a must. When I go shopping for skirts, I find myself looking for dresses because why not? My favorite type of dress is the slip dress. Since I can't be bothered to wear a bra most days, slip dresses are great. I don't have to try hard to wear the perfect push up bra. Next up is BREAKING NEWS. I've decided to try out makeup. Everyone who knows be thinks I’m sick because of these new revelations. Before we get carried away, I'm starting with concealer. Anything else just becomes a burden. Then there is lipstick. I love red lipsticks. Shades of red are my favorite. I also like nude lipsticks. I haven't found the perfect nude lipstick yet, but I have found a few that I absolutely want to try. I am new to this after all, but I am still on the hunt. Any ideas? When a person looks good, they want to smell good. I already own Maison Margiela's Lazy Sunday Morning perfume from his REPLICA collection. It's one of the prettiest smells ever. At The Barber is one of my favorite colognes, but I personally would wear it. It's delicious. Can we shay shopping spree?

What about shoe game? White Chuck Taylor's are always a must and Nike's Air Max Thea can be worn in any season. Sandals with block heels are my favorites and my go to. They're comfortable and easy to walk in. Rihanna released slides for her FENTY x PUMA line. They're so pretty and I have been staring at them since they were released. Then there are bags. In the summer, I don't like to carry with large bags. They make me feel like I'm suffocating in the heat. I try to purchase small bags for that reason. Right now, I am in love with horseshoe shaped bags. *Inserts heart-eye emoji*Lastly, everyone needs accessories. I prefer sunglasses for the season to come. Ray-Ban is great for all types of glasses. My favorite are the aviators. What's not to love? 

I hope you enjoyed my first ever lust list! I'm thrilled for what's to come in the coming season. I hope all is well and you get a season full of laughter and love.

All the love as always. xx


Monday, April 17, 2017

Current state of mind.

I am important. I am someone. I am special.

I usually feel like I am simply somebody. Things have been different. There's been a slight change in pressure. I don't feel like I'm just somebody. I feel like I'm somebody important. It's quite nice to feel important. I don't just feel important. I am important. It's great when someone makes me feel that way, but I like it better knowing I feel greater about myself than anybody could. That's mostly because I am me. Loving one's self is important. Consider this  a boost in my self-esteem. Did I mention I also feel special? I am and so are you. Lets discuss further.

It seems that lately I've had a habit of being quiet at times when I should speak up. I walk away instead of allowing myself to be heard. There was a point where I was being shushed and I didn't even stand up for myself. I've allowed myself to fade into the background. What's that about? That's not who I am. There was another point in time where I forgot that I am just as important as everyone else. Maybe it's because I've been anxious. Maybe I just couldn't be bothered. Maybe I'm picking my battles carefully. Either way, I didn't like any of it one bit.

It all finally came to an end. I became frustrated with myself. How dare I? How dare I not be all that I am and more? It's not like I'm spreading negativity. Oh no! Never that. I believe in positivity, equality, and love for all. So, how dare I? We were all born to shine. Why not shine like we are born to? 

I came to win. To conquer. To thrive.

I recently learned how much I love sleep and how much I miss it. There's just simply not enough time in the day. I haven't been getting much sleep. My anxiety has been through the roof. I'm up by 7 a.m. every morning and asleep anywhere between midnight and 3 a.m. My therapist tells me that I need sleep, but I don't listen. As much as I complain about how much course work sucks and I don't get to sleep, I enjoy keeping busy.

The Spring semester is finally coming to an end. There's only less than a month left. I'm mentally doing olympic worthy backflips and cartwheels. This school year has been stressful. What is sleep when someone is working their asses off to get a degree? I know. Sleep literally keeps people sane. I don't mind giving up a bit of sleep because it's all worth it.

I came to win. To Conquer. To thrive. I'm not going to give up. There's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I will keep my eyes on the prize.

Live for today, but be positive about tomorrow.

Recently someone told me to "live for today and not tomorrow's satisfaction." That's great, right? I just don't truly know how to do that. Even if I did, it'd probably mess up my equilibrium. I believe in multitasking. As someone who deals with anxiety, I can't help but worry. As much as living in the moment has been going well, I still overthink about everything past, present, and future related. How can I not? I've been trying to get into the habit of being in the moment while being positive about the future.

Tomorrow is something that isn't guaranteed. Everyone knows that, but some of us still worry about the future instead of enjoying the now. If you're like me, then I'm here to tell you to do both. Be in the moment. Enjoy every millisecond of it. Laugh as much as you can. Love as hard as you can. When you become anxious about your tomorrow or even somewhere far off in the future, don't fret. Think about the positives of what you wish or want to happen. Think of the positives of what will happen. Most people can't help that their minds wander into the future. At least try to make your thoughts good ones. It helps. 

So, remember. Live for today and be positive about tomorrow. 

When do I get to play?

Summer is on its way! Finally! I'm not ready for the heat, but I am ready to just get away from the stress of school. I'm excited for beach days, sleeping in until 9, and summer nights. Summer nights are everything. I'm more excited about making more memories and having the time of my life. I'll have more time to blog and be free from the stress that is now.

Bye, bye to cold weather and the occasional blizzard. I mean, come on New York! It's almost May. No more layering my clothing. Well, nevermind. I don't wear layers anyways. Pretty soon the temperature will rise and I won't have to deal with how moody New York City weather actually is. Hey, New York. I'll lend you my therapist if you promise to get your crap together. I'm tired of your mood swings.

From mood swings to self-esteem, there's nothing but beautiful vibes all around. I hope you're having a wonderful time. Tell me what's been on your mind as well.

All the love as always. xx



Monday, February 6, 2017

Second time's the charm.

Second time's the charm.

December 2, 2014 was the first time I went to Washington D.C. A friend and I were attending a The 1975 concert at Echostage. Neither of us had been to the capitol. We were so excited. We were going to spend an entire day somewhere new. There was one problem: neither one of us did our research. As a result, we didn't get to see anything in D.C. except the show. Not that I am complaining. 

Fast forward three years. I recently got the chance to spend all of February 4th in Washington D.C. I went with my college. The plan was to visit the National Museum of African American History and Culture which is owned by the Smithsonian. I was blown away by everything within the museum. The exhibits go on for over a mile. That's what we were told. I saw people from all kinds of backgrounds excited and eager to learn. I got emotional when I got to the Emmett Till exhibition. No photos were allowed in that section. Anyone who walked into that part of the museum left with a heavy heart.

By the time we made it through the entire lower level exhibit, everyone had their buddy and did whatever they chose to do with the time remaining. We promised to return to D.C. to see the rest of the museum. It's too big to see in one day and it's too much to take in at once. Spring break anyone?

The end of our time at in D.C. brought us to the George Washington Monument. My new found friend and I was in awe of the monument. It's beautiful. Washington D.C. in general is beautiful. My breath was taken away every time we turned a corner. 

Of course people say that curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. We walked past the national World War II Memorial and the National Mall. We stopped when we realized what it was. We doubled back, but couldn't stay. We were running out of time and Lincoln wasn't far from where we stood. I've always dreamed of seeing the Lincoln Memorial. 

The Lincoln Memorial is massive and not as creepy as I thought. From far it looks like President Lincoln is living in his own marble Batcave.

This entire day is a day I'll never forget. I met some amazing people. I talked to strangers. I learned a lot about my heritage. I knocked Lincoln off my bucket list. Starbucks and free food was definitely another plus.

If you're ever in D.C., I recommend seeing monuments and visiting museums. It'll take multiple trips to see it all, but The District of Columbia is just worth it. 

All the love. xx


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Don't need to control everything. Don't need to be perfect. Be free. Be happy.

No need to control everything. No need to be perfect.

I've learned a thing or two about a thing or two in the past year. Some of the most important lessons I learned was about control and how giving some of it up is absolutely brilliant. Think about all the things that we try to control, but actually can't. We rile ourselves up. We waste energy beating ourselves up instead of letting things play out the way they're supposed to. 

It's understandable that we want to control things. Sometimes we have a death grip on the idea of control. Control can become consuming. We get caught up. We do things deliberately for a positive outcome.  I was always looking for the perfect moment and tried to control the moment if I wasn't feeling it.  I let the need to control things consume me and it ended with multiple anxiety attacks.

I also learned to stop romanticizing perfection. There isn't such a thing. The moment I stopped trying to perfect everything, I felt some weight lifted from my shoulders. I'm not saying I don't enjoy "perfect" moments. I'm saying I vowed not to be hard on myself anymore. Life isn't perfect. It's bad enough Hollywood is pretending that perfection is the only thing that matters and that every second of their lives is a perfect moment. It's exhausting.

Moments are not meant to be controlled or perfect.

There's no need to control everything. There's no need to be perfect all the time.

Going where the wind blows isn't always a bad thing

First off, it can be hard to just free yourself from your worries about things in a general sense. It can be scary to put one's self in a vulnerable state and setting oneself free, but facing those fears is worth it. In the words of Bob Marley,  "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our mind." There are rules made by society. It's like some sort of code of conduct. The problem is no one knows who started this idea. We've never met the man or woman who said people should think, act, and dress a certain way. So toss it. 

Second, when I let my hair flow in every direction the wind blew, I felt free. Nothing is better than that feeling where all of those chains that were holding me back had been broken and I was no longer prisoner. Let your hair loose. Take steps or a leap of faith and go for it. The truth is no one actually cares and most people are bored. So, go after everything you want and be free. Let the wind flow through your hair and let the open road inspire you.  I've got your back. Like Drake said, "Everybody dies, but not everybody lives." He was so frickin' right!

Third, don't sell out and don't sell yourself short. Everyone isn't cut out for certain ways of life. That doesn't mean you're not worthy because you can't be like them. Individuality is the most amazing thing ever. Own your sexy. Don't give up what you want because you fell short a few times. I've fallen short plenty of times. That doesn't mean I gave up. That means I got up and tried harder. Your dreams and goals are what you aspire to achieve and make a reality. Go! I dare you.

Gotta follow my heart wherever it takes me.

I've spent a lot of time in the past month in a small, pensive bubble. Before the year started, I had come up with a list of resolutions. After the ball dropped, I spent the next few weeks in an introspective state. I had the time. So why not? I took the time to hang out with myself. I took care of myself. I befriended myself again. I began falling in love with myself all over again.

Taking this time for myself was absolutely amazing. I began to listen to my heart. I let my heart feel and I've kept up with most of my New Year's resolutions. My favorite resolution so far is going on more adventures. This Friday I'm going to Washington D.C. for the second time. I can't wait! I'll go where the wind blows. I'll follow my heart wherever it takes me. I'm going to have a good damn time while I'm at it.

As for you remember this moment. Remember that we will never me as young as we are now. Life goes by quickly. Don't let fear hold you back. Don't control the moments or try to perfect them. Make memories no matter how raw they are. Go to Paris and fall in love. Go dancing in London because why not? Go wherever your heart tells you to go.

My favorite three words to put together are peace, love, and inspire. Interpret this how you wish, but I wish you a peaceful life full of love and all the inspiration the world has to offer.

All the love as always. xx



Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 & Resolutions

2016 was a year that many people wouldn't want to talk about again. From politics to the loss of so many people, it's been tough. Personal issues may have been another reason why 2016 wasn't a good year. 
Even though 2016 was a tough year, I've managed to grow as a person and I'm still working on myself. I went back to school. I did well and I'm proud of myself. Those late nights, near anxiety attacks, actual anxiety attacks, and beyond emotional moments have been worth it. I also managed to stay positive throughout all this entire year. I've had moments of doubts like everyone else, but I managed to stay true,
Today is January 1, 2017. This is a new page, a new chapter, and a new beginning. There are opportunities and adventures that are awaiting me and you. Are you ready? I am. I'm excited for a fresh start and to continue on a positive journey.
With a new year comes new resolutions. We make them and the best of us usually break them. It's tradition. I had many resolutions for 2016. The most important one was to find the frequency that I vibe best with and go with it. I'm still working on it.
Every now and then I mention driftwood (in case you have no idea) and this year I got even better with "freeing myself from the troubles of lately" and the occasional "float on by like a piece of driftwood."
I have high hopes for 2017.

My New Year's Resolutions:

1. Let go of fears and just go.
2. Go on more adventures.
3. Be patient.
4. Continue to be kind.
5. Give a compliment a day.
6. Make every day as poetic as the last.
7. Write out the words I hadn't the chance to speak out loud after each day.
8. Meet new, wonderful people.
9. Dance until everything is better than ever,
10. Be the best version of me I could possibly be and continue to grow.
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