Style.Self.Sundays

17 April 2017

Current state of mind.

I am important. I am someone. I am special.

I usually feel like I am simply somebody. Things have been different. There's been a slight change in pressure. I don't feel like I'm just somebody. I feel like I'm somebody important. It's quite nice to feel important. I don't just feel important. I am important. It's great when someone makes me feel that way, but I like it better knowing I feel greater about myself than anybody could. That's mostly because I am me. Loving one's self is important. Consider this  a boost in my self-esteem. Did I mention I also feel special? I am and so are you. Lets discuss further.

It seems that lately I've had a habit of being quiet at times when I should speak up. I walk away instead of allowing myself to be heard. There was a point where I was being shushed and I didn't even stand up for myself. I've allowed myself to fade into the background. What's that about? That's not who I am. There was another point in time where I forgot that I am just as important as everyone else. Maybe it's because I've been anxious. Maybe I just couldn't be bothered. Maybe I'm picking my battles carefully. Either way, I didn't like any of it one bit.

It all finally came to an end. I became frustrated with myself. How dare I? How dare I not be all that I am and more? It's not like I'm spreading negativity. Oh no! Never that. I believe in positivity, equality, and love for all. So, how dare I? We were all born to shine. Why not shine like we are born to? 

I came to win. To conquer. To thrive.

I recently learned how much I love sleep and how much I miss it. There's just simply not enough time in the day. I haven't been getting much sleep. My anxiety has been through the roof. I'm up by 7 a.m. every morning and asleep anywhere between midnight and 3 a.m. My therapist tells me that I need sleep, but I don't listen. As much as I complain about how much course work sucks and I don't get to sleep, I enjoy keeping busy.

The Spring semester is finally coming to an end. There's only less than a month left. I'm mentally doing olympic worthy backflips and cartwheels. This school year has been stressful. What is sleep when someone is working their asses off to get a degree? I know. Sleep literally keeps people sane. I don't mind giving up a bit of sleep because it's all worth it.

I came to win. To Conquer. To thrive. I'm not going to give up. There's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I will keep my eyes on the prize.

Live for today, but be positive about tomorrow.

Recently someone told me to "live for today and not tomorrow's satisfaction." That's great, right? I just don't truly know how to do that. Even if I did, it'd probably mess up my equilibrium. I believe in multitasking. As someone who deals with anxiety, I can't help but worry. As much as living in the moment has been going well, I still overthink about everything past, present, and future related. How can I not? I've been trying to get into the habit of being in the moment while being positive about the future.

Tomorrow is something that isn't guaranteed. Everyone knows that, but some of us still worry about the future instead of enjoying the now. If you're like me, then I'm here to tell you to do both. Be in the moment. Enjoy every millisecond of it. Laugh as much as you can. Love as hard as you can. When you become anxious about your tomorrow or even somewhere far off in the future, don't fret. Think about the positives of what you wish or want to happen. Think of the positives of what will happen. Most people can't help that their minds wander into the future. At least try to make your thoughts good ones. It helps. 

So, remember. Live for today and be positive about tomorrow. 

When do I get to play?

Summer is on its way! Finally! I'm not ready for the heat, but I am ready to just get away from the stress of school. I'm excited for beach days, sleeping in until 9, and summer nights. Summer nights are everything. I'm more excited about making more memories and having the time of my life. I'll have more time to blog and be free from the stress that is now.

Bye, bye to cold weather and the occasional blizzard. I mean, come on New York! It's almost May. No more layering my clothing. Well, nevermind. I don't wear layers anyways. Pretty soon the temperature will rise and I won't have to deal with how moody New York City weather actually is. Hey, New York. I'll lend you my therapist if you promise to get your crap together. I'm tired of your mood swings.

From mood swings to self-esteem, there's nothing but beautiful vibes all around. I hope you're having a wonderful time. Tell me what's been on your mind as well.

All the love as always. xx

Darianne

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