25 June 2017

Things my therapist told me.

Things my therapist told me.

For more than a year, I have been seeing a therapist. Within this time, I've noticed some recurring themes. Whether it be boundaries, criticizing myself, or sugarcoating uncomfortable situations; I've learned that I have a tendency to fall back when I need to stand strong. In recent times, I went on twitter and read tweets from women about having similar habits or being in similar situations.

As a feminist and a woman, I know for a fact that women are bosses. The role of "female boss" has been renamed "bitch" in recent times by people who fear they'll lose their masculinity or those who don't understand what it is to be woman. Everyday I learn something new as a woman and feminist. For example, a lot of people think a person can't be kind and take control or put their foot down. It's called multitasking. A woman can be kind while being the boss in her life or a boss in general. I think New York called it HBIC (Head Bitch In Charge). 

I'll admit that I've struggled with being kind and not taking crap from people. I've struggled with being my own boss and not wanting to hurt anyone in the process. I don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes I rather walk away and avoid drama instead of standing up for myself. That Latina fire can come out when pushed too far, but I rather have peace and harmony around me. *Queue rolling of the eyes* As I tried to sort out how to make sense of it all, I asked my therapist for some advice. Here's what she told me:
  1. You are your worst critic. She and I can't stress this enough. I know that I am extremely hard on myself. I always want things to be perfect and sometimes nothing I do feels like it's good enough. Give yourself a break. We do our best. We try our hardest. We live. We learn. When applying this to situations, don't tear yourself apart. Allow yourself to be honest with yourself. Therefore, translating whatever you need to will be easier.
  2. Don't minimize situations. I do not like to hurt people's feelings, but I also believe in telling the truth. I was recently in a situation where someone had crushed my feelings. Instead of letting the person know that I was extremely hurt by what they said, I took some of the blame when the blame wasn't mine to take. Sometimes it's hard to tell someone how we feel when we really want to tell them off. Sometimes we find kinder synonyms to take the place of the harsher words in our head. Either way, DO NOT downplay the situation. It's important to communicate true feelings. You won't get a desired response if you don't.
  3. Set boundaries. Whether it's in a relationship or just with yourself, boundaries are important. Boundaries keep us safe. Boundaries lets a person know what you will and will not tolerate. It's important to know yourself and communicate that with the person you're dealing with. Boundaries can help avoid bad situations and give a person a piece of mind.
  4. Be impeccable with words. When communicating a person's words should be transparent. I know a person who throws out every word in the dictionary when they're trying to express how they feel. I'm all for vocabulary. I think it's wonderful, but everyone isn't a walking dictionary. Sometimes we're not as clear as we thought we were. Don't complicate the situation anymore. Just say, "*Insert person's name*, you made me feel _______ when you ______" Even though it's not as simple as it seems being clear is better than the alternative. Make sure to choose words wisely. A person doesn't need to be a grade A ass to get their point across. Be mindful. Be in the moment
  5. Be self-aware. Sometimes our days feel cloudy and nothing goes well. Been there. Done that. A person should know what they're bringing to the table. How a person feels can set the tone in their interaction with another. A bad mood can cause things to be lost in translation. We want to avoid that all together.
  6. Openness. Keep an open mind. In many situations, how something is perceived will determine how it is handle. As humans we do our best not to judge. Wait until you know everything before you slam your gavel. Too many times we've jumped to conclusions and find out that we were wrong all along. Openness also has to do with different types of people and where they're from. I hear people say "that's not how we do things in _______." Honestly, no one cares. We may find that a new way can be a better way. Try new things. Live a little.
That's all for now. I hope all is well and this list of advice helps you along the way. I've been practising some of these and they've worked out well for me. Let me know what you think or if you have anything you want to add. Remember to always choose love.

All the love as always. xx
Darianne 

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14 June 2017

A hump day hello.

A hump day hello.

I am currently sat in my apartment with a book, a nice hot cup of Tazo tea, and Oasis playing quietly in the background. I am currently reading A Court of Thorns and Roses. Surprisingly I am actually enjoying. I've always been a fan of Contemporary Fiction, but this is a nice change. Anyways, as I'm reading I suddenly had thoughts about blogging and you lovely peoople. It wasn't anything about new content. That's coming soon. It was about the last time I just stopped to say "hello."

It's currently 7:34 a.m. Somehow I became a "morning" person. Sort of. Every morning, when the sunlight touches my face, I am reminded of my blessings. One of them is being able to be here right now, happy and well, talking to you. It's a special kind of morning. My mind didn't start racing. The heatwave is over for now. I didn't wake up grumpy (goodbye heatwave). I'm reminded of the simple things while being sat in the comfort of minimalism. I also wondered how you are doing.

Hello you,
How are you? I hope everything is well and you're happy. I hope your breakfast was delicious and your day is going well. Did you have coffee or tea today? How was it? Hopefully you woke up on the right side of the bed. I hope people are being kind to you and you are reciprocating. I hope you get that promotion or raise today. May your favorite shops have your size in the shoes and clothes you want. I hope you pass your test. May your hair forever be as pretty as it is now and you're jeans forever fit just right. I hope you feel loved. I'm sending even more love your way. May your days be filled with love and peace. May you be inspired by the things that surround you and swim in oceans of positivity. 

All the love as always. xx

- Love Darianne



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09 June 2017

Confidence with style. Confidence in me.


Get the dress here.
Get sneakers here.

Confidence with style.

I remember way back in 2014 when I started this blog. I was nervous to be in front of a camera. I was a bit afraid to put my "style" out there. It's not like my style is very flamboyant. I just wasn't confident. I remember why I started this blog. I remember doing it on a whim. I hadn't realized what hard work and dedication had to be put into something like this. After a while, I realized that I am the face of this blog. What if people don't like my face? What if I'm not enough? I don't feel like I am.

Back in 2014, I wanted people to like the content. I still do, but I'm not stressed about approval anymore. Back then I was most nervous about shedding the image that everyone already had of mez and putting myself out there. I'm not talking about people online. I'm talking about people closest to me. I was terribly dressed and comfortable with it because I lacked confidence to step out and shine bright. The change was subtle and then it wasn't. 

Sometime in high school, I had bought a proper pair of heels. It wasn't until after I started this blog that I had purchased another pair of heels. Ankle boots have always been my favorite. Before blogging, I would only wear ankle boots on occasions. I would only dress up when I needed my photos to be taken. I would crawl back into the shell that I was so desperately trying to be free of. Photoshoots were the worst. Because I lacked in the confident deparment, everything was terrible and I hated every picture. I would ask for my picture to be taken over and over until I gave up and settled for whatever I had. Sometime I didn't use the photos and opted for picture of the city. Other times I just didn't post because I was walking Goo Goo Dolls lyrics.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand

As time went on, I would begin to get dressed up just because. I became comfortable with people staring. Sometimes I'd get a smile and other times I'd get compliments. Sometimes compliments weird me out, but I appreciate them nonetheless and I can accept them. I began to wear dresses and felt good in them. Wearing black made me feel like a rockstar and I love how badass that is. Eventually, I added color to my wardrobe. As a girl dripping with melanin, I know that bright and bold colors work. I know those colors make my skin tone pop and sometime I glow. I didn't feel comfortable with wearing color before. I've worn black my entire life. Well, watch out world. I've built a confident monster and I'm not afraid to strut anymore. I'm going to wear my dresses full of colors and my ankle boots anywhere and at anytime. I'm going wear patterns that I love, but to self-conscious to wear. I'm going "Oops! I did it again" whenever I wear something new or that I love. I'm walking down the path that I am preaching about. It feels so good to be walking on sunshine!

Confidence in me.

I'm not sure when or how this happened either. Confidence in myself was like a vivid dream that somehow transferred into reality. One day I met up with my godbrother. He is my usual photographer. He knows me well enough to know I never like public spaces. I usually like to find secluded places because I was self-conscious in front of a camera and would disappear when people walk by. I was so nervous about small things. I tended to hide or walk away and just forget about the shoot. I used to get so frustrated when being photographed. I didn't have much confidence in what I looked like before. As if the evolution of my style wasn't enough, I now had to find it in myself to be comfortable in my skin. That was hard for me. I live in one of the most recognized cities in the world and everyone likes to stare. 

Sometime in the past couple of months, I had a bunch of photos taken of me. I only realized two photoshoots later, that I wasn't nervous behind the camera or in front of people. That was new and exciting. It made the shoot after that more fun. I don't cower away anymore. I don't care if people walk by even if they're photobombing. I sit in front of the camera and dance. I'm a terrible dancer, but it's how I function while being photographed.  I even posted a selfie not too long ago. I NEVER take selfies, but I was feeling it. I only took one and posted the photo before I'd regret it. It's still on IG. It's a miracle that it's still there. I believe in myself more and more. Let stranger was by and stare. I'm not the same self-conscious person I was when I started or even a few months ago.

From me to you.

I genuinely understand what it's like to be self-conscious. At times I still feel like a self-conscious, anxious freak. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. Always remember that everything will be okay. Take the time you need away to work on yourself or keep pushing through like I did. Keep facing those fears and keep kicking them in the butt. I became self-conscious when I stepped in front of a camera or when I was putting myself out there for the world to see, but that was it. Whether it be one thing that makes you feel that way or other things, don't let it bring you down. Talk loud. Shine brighter. Be prouder. You are everything. Remember:

You are you and that is beautiful.

All the love as always,

Darianne xx


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06 June 2017

Current State of Mind pt. 2: A celebration is in order.

 A celebration is in order.

In the photo above is my baby sister. How cute is she? Yes, I know she's not a baby. We're only two years apart, but my sisters are my babies. Yes, she is taller than me. In fact, I am the eldest of four and the shortest. Lets move on. My lovely sister has graduated today! She's on her way to becoming a lawyer. I couldn't be more proud. As a mom, a sister, and a student, she is doing a wonderful job. 

I'll never be able to express how proud of her I am. When she was a baby and I was two, I would poke her until I was bored. Now we're all grown up and she's been that friend. She's the friend you can't stand because they don't study for exams, but still manages to get an A. She's the friend who is good at everything and doesn't bother to try. She's the friend who manages to be everywhere and nowhere at once. Hey, sis! Teach me your ways.

Sis, I love you to bits and pieces. You deserve everything coming your way. You've pushed through sleepless nights and made this far. Never give up. No matter where you go in life, you will only get the best. You'll always be the best. You never settle and you never take no for an answer. Congratulations on graduating today! It's only the beginning.

All the love as always,
Your annoying older sister

 Family & Celebrations

My family and I got together a couple of days ago to celebrate my sister's accomplishments. There was a lot of frolicking, dancing, skipping, bantering, and eating. Family reunion don't happen quite often. Everyone is busy adulting. When they do happen, there's nothing but laughing and great memories being made. 

My mom and youngest sister came to visit and celebrate.  All five of us together means trouble. I'm only half kidding. My sisters and I don't get to go home often because we're in school. So, when we can, we try to come together. We have an entire week together before my mom and youngest sister have to go back home. Lets see who gets on who nerves first.

As for me...

Well, remember how excited I was for the summer holiday? Want to hear a LOL? I signed up for summer courses. I clearly didn't enough of my anxiety during the last two semesters. The offer to take free courses this summer was offered to me and I couldn't turn it down. These classes are a requirement to graduate. So, I am taking advantage of a wonderful offer. Half of the summer will be stressful, but if an great opportunity is presented to me, I must take it. I'm just happy it's not the entire summer. I still get to enjoy the second half which is good. Because I signed up for the first summer session and not the second, I get time off before the I have to go back and pull my hair out. Yay me!

Anyways, cheers to my sister and all the other graduates of 2017! Cheers to half a summer vacation. 

All the love. xx

Darianne

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