30 July 2017

There's a change in pressure.

There's a change in pressure.

It’s Sunday again. Not that you didn’t already know. I don’t have any coffee and my mind is asleep. I’m contemplating canceling the entire day. I want to stay in the comfort of my bed which is not physically possible for me ( I get too antsy). The memories of this week still linger in the air. The decisions I made whisper to me like the cool, crisp winds of October. To say this past week was a big week is an understatement.

For the longest time I've asked myself, “Darianne, what makes you happy?” Then I would reply. “Well, I love books and flowers and autumn leaves. I love music and art and writing and fashion.” So, why not do something about that? Well…

There's been a change in pressure. It all happened on my birthday. On the 25th of July, I turned twenty-three. Happy Birthday to me! I woke up early and inhaled a cup of coffee like I always do. Just like I did on my birthday, I thought of uni. Over a year ago, I was extremely excited to be back in school. Heck! I am still excited for the coming fall semester. I remember writing about how excited I was to study business. News flash! I’m not anymore. Why? I was a business major in high school. I loved business. Turns out the passion for business isn’t there anymore, but don’t fret. I need a major change in my life. I needed to do what would make me happy. I need to change my major. I was so worried about not graduating on schedule. I was worried that I’d have to start over. I guess there are perks to starting out as a liberal arts major. I met with my academic advisor who also bought me a cake, and we made this change happen. Instead of a degree in business, I’ll receive a degree in English with a focus on Journalism. Indecisive. I know.

In the words of my family and friends, “You’ve been obsessed with reading and writing since you were a kid. How did you just now realize you’re passionate about it?” College is a bunch of trial and errors. Some get it right the first time. Others make changes until they feel it’s right. Reading and writing have always been my favorite things to do. This change will be a good change. Instead of forcing myself to pay attention, I’ll be more than happy to participate and write a paper (I love writing papers. Sometimes).

I hope all is well with you on this hot Sunday morning.

All the love as always.

Darianne. 

           


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16 July 2017

Gentle mornings.

 Gentle mornings.

Her body swayed, while she danced, as a plant sways in the water. - The Picture of Dorian Gray (1890), Oscar Wilde 

It’s the early hours of the morning. The sun is barely a whisper. The rays gently warm my face and kisses my cheek good morning. My eyes flutter open. My hair is a mess. My head slowly lifts as my eyes roam the room for an indication of time. It’s 6:27 a.m. and I’m not sure why I’m awake, but it doesn’t seem to bother me. I rolled over to my side hyper aware that there isn’t a layer between my skin and the sheets. I feel peace. I feel the love I have for myself intensify as a small smile creeps onto my face. Sleepiness is still painted on my features as I breathe in and exhale. I feel like a work of art. It’s as if Botticelli painted me himself, but I’m still tired. The gentleness of the morning and the harshness of the sun rays causes my eyes to flutter and shut. Many moments pass before sleepiness conquers my being. The new dreams I have are about me and the sun being one. There isn’t much of a difference anymore.

An hour later, the sun danced in the sky. My body rejected the idea of more sleep. After heading straight to the showers, the coffee maker was turned on and coffee started to brew. Lana Del Rey played unapologetically in my ears as I made my coffee just right. My laptop was soon in arms reach as I fired it up. It’s that time of the week again. Sunday! How am I feeling? Gentle. What do I want to say? Be gentle. How? Write as if I’m writing a novel.

As Lana played and I typed away, the melody began to take control of my body. I twirled as if I was a ballerina. I danced so freely. No one is watching. How could I not? My giggles could be heard through my bedroom door as I went back to writing this or what was originally supposed to be this. I’ve never felt emotions this way. This morning is so tender. It’s touch so gentle.

Thinking about gentleness and how I am now got me thinking of the old me. That girl feels like ancient history though she is a recent ex. In the beginning, being gentle with myself was hard. I couldn’t give myself praises. Every mistake was another reason to tear myself apart. When I think of being gentle, I think of how kind a person is to themselves. Things have changed. I like to shower myself with love and compliments. “I look wonderful today.” “Self, you’re amazing.” “Excellent job today, Darianne.” I like to log out of life sometimes and enjoy my own company. Headphones in. World out.

My body has been intoxicated by the music playing in my bedroom. I’m under the influence now. How did I get to this state? Well, yesterday I had a “f*ck it” attitude about everything. It was mostly because this past week was just filled with anxiety. I had almost reached my limit and cried. It was only hump day when I found my journal after months of not using it.  I wrote and I wrote. It felt invigorating, but it wasn’t enough. Then today arrived.

It’s Sunday. I’m just about done. The gentleness that is Sunday morning has conquered all that I am. I’m mellow. I’m happy in this moment. I want to shout it to the world. Maybe I’ll whisper it to the summer breeze. Maybe the summer breeze will deliver my message to you. Maybe you’ll get it today. Maybe you’ll get it tomorrow or a week from now. I only ask this of you:

Please be gentle with yourself. 

All the love as always.

Darianne ♥

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09 July 2017

Life as a hopeless romantic.

Life as a hopeless romantic.

It's 7 a.m. once more. As I am sat here listening to the rain and drinking my coffee, I let my attention mosey about. This morning I am typing away while listening to Someone New by Hozier. It’s quietly playing in the background as usual. The song itself reminded me of a conversation I had the other day. I’ll paint a picture.

My friends and I were sat in the school’s cafĂ© while waiting for our first lecture. We were discussing many things. Then love became a dominant topic we had to discuss. There were three sides to this discussion and the people involved chose a side. The first side believes a person can’t just fall in love. They believe love takes time to build. The second side was the middle ground. They believe in love at first sight. They also believe that it’s hard to really believe in love at first sight because of our generation. The people who stood in the middle then went on to say that they also believe love may be a figment of our imagination. Then there’s my side. As a secret hopeless romantic, I believe in love all around. I believe that love can happen instantly. A person can fall in love with a flower. A person can fall in love with the warm caresses of the summer breeze. A person can fall in love with another human in a moments time. Maybe I’m looking at things through rose-colored glasses, but I did say I am a hopeless romantic. I can’t be the only one.

Have you ever met someone who just took your breath away? It doesn’t have to be the way they look. I’m talking about the canvas they paint for you. The art in the gallery that is hung for you to perceive. The fine art that embodies who they really are. The soft silk of their words causes a movie to play in your head as you take in every adjective used to describe who they are. Maybe it was something instead of someone. A sunflower stood tall and slowly swayed to the warm caresses of the summer breeze. You wanted to pick it, but you knew that something that beautiful should be loved from afar. Maybe it was the cool kiss of the ocean on your warm, bare skin. Goosebumps became visible all over your body and suddenly butterflies fluttered around aimlessly in your stomach. It’s just the ocean, but in that moment the ocean is personified into something more. Love isn’t conventional. Falling in love isn’t conventional. There are no rules. Love has no boundaries.

While having this discussion, I challenged my friends to try it my way. I asked them to look through rose-colored glasses when they’re looking, viewing, and seeing life, people, and things. Somewhere along the lines, I’ll ask how it’s going for them. Maybe it's all the French films I've seen, but I encourage you and anyone else to try it out. I dare you. The world is more beautiful when we choose love. At least to me it is. Let me know what your thoughts are on the subject are.

All the love as always. xx

Darianne ♥

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05 July 2017

I'm dreaming of a place called Italy.

I'm dreaming of a place called Italy.

Wanderlust. It's probably one of my favorite words. When I was in the fifth grade, my teacher started the first day of class by passing around a fossil that she has. It's huge. It is so cool. Then the class found out it is ancient dinosaur poop. That pretty much set the tone for the year. My fifth grade teacher is a traveler. She would tell the class these cool stories. In my mind a movie would play as she laced every sentence with details of her trips. At lunch the class was allowed to stay in and watch Amazing Race. All the tasks they had to complete, the places they'd go, and the food the competitors would eat made me want to pack my bags and go. 

I still dream of backpacking through Europe and completing my extreme bucket list. I'd love to see everything. Besides turning into an adrenaline junkie, there are places I just want to lose myself in. From the mountain tops of Bolzano to the surrounding seas of Sicily, Italy is a true gem. 

Food & Places

If you know me, then you know I am a bottomless pit. I can just eat and eat. So, it's more than safe to say that I love food. There are some amazing Italian restaurants in New York. Some of the owners even move to New York from Italy. Thank you for that kind sirs and madams. You're food is incredible. There's nothing like authentic food.

Someday I'll go to Italy and eat all of these amazing foods. Obviously, Pizza in Naples is a must, but there's more than just pizza. I am not the biggest fan of tomatoes, but I think I'm willing to cave for some Bruschetta. How about some cheese, vegetables or beans instead? Lets not forget about pasta. Pasta is a must! Penne all'arrabbiata sounds about right. Trying local street foods will be fun. How about rice balls dipped in egg, flour, and breadcrumbs to then be fried into a tasty delight? Arancini di Riso in it's home of Sicily is something that should be experienced. My mouth is already watering. Now, I don't know about you, but I love carbs. Aren't they delicious. Bread is one of the most brilliant inventions ever. That brings me to Focaccia. Genoa is the place for Focaccia. Maybe you're like me and you are all for the dessert. Gelato in Rome and Chocolate in Turin sounds like the way to go. Even though food is the way to my heart, there's more to do than just stuff my face. Italy is more than just a place to get some incredible food. I did say Italy is a gem. 

Does anyone remember the Lizzie McGuire movie? As a huge Lizzie McGuire fan, I wanted to go on that adventure. The whole time her reality felt like an alternate universe. If that didn't make me want to go to Italy more than I already did, then the architecture and history sold me. The Fontana di Trevi is one of the most beautiful works of art I've ever seen (from afar). I want to make a wish there. Of, course there's the Colosseum and the Pantheon. I have to take a photo where it looks like I'm trying to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. How about sight seeing via the Grand Canal in Venice? A Gondola ride in the day and night should be fun. How cool is it to be in a Gondola while cruising around in Venice? #Winning. I can't forget about Florence. To be engulfed by Dante and Beatrice's love story would be a dream. There's also things like Ponte della Maddalena which is located in Lucca. The bridge is a work of art and its surroundings is just as beautiful. Time under the Tuscan sun is going to be wonderful.

As time goes on my list grows. Italy is one of my many dreams. Someday I will go and do all of the things I said I would. I will eat all the food I said I would. For now, I am allowed to fantasize about such a grand trip. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? What food would you eat? What landmarks or unknown place would you like to see? Before I go, here is one of my favorite Italian phrases:

Il dolce far niente.

All the love as always. xx

Darianne ♥




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